Burdened
by OmNomNommingOnSouls
Summary: GerEng stuff, angst? Yeah angst. And shortness. And stuff...sorry if there's a few punctuation poops...yeah..but OTP feels created this random thing


Arthur is a fool, but he doesn't care. Doesn't care at all. Why should he? It was his choice, and his alone…

Never was he concerned by the actions he took, and the path that followed. Wasn't concerned when he knew the consequences that would fall upon his shoulders, a weight so vast so intense that sometimes, on the rarest of moments, it made him regret. But such a word was ugly, hideous, repulsive…how could he regret this?

He is weaker than ever before in his life (it was to be expected, sating one of _them_ takes its toll…but always he was willing and never would he be selfish about his concerns).

Ludwig however, thinks differently…

Perhaps it is how the society has portrayed what he had become, a monster, the fleeting nightmare in the darkness…but it's not like he had a choice in the matter. His…'brother' had little choice between starvation and feeding, and when a creature becomes desperate enough, judgement is often clouded. The Teuton had done his best with the life Gilbert had tried to provide him, as normal as possible for the Change slowly happened.

(Vampirism is no business that changes you over a mere night, it is long and painful, and the journey is cruel and the result is a burdened life with restrictions that no creature under the stars should ever endure…Some must however, as Life must balance out, as it was before the days Man and before the days of Beast).

He thinks that it is cruel when he sees Arthur trying to rest, trying so very hard just to sleep, but there is a pounding in his ear still telling him that he's alive, but only just. Ludwig thinks he can last longer, thinks that he will not give into the Hunger, but that is impossible. It is almost a binding to his soul, telling him what he is, what he must do to live.

Arthur has always believed in Life's balance, and he thinks that it is fair, that as he slowly dies (because he _knows_ he is, and accepts that, Elven lineage can only do so much, can only provide so much extra time) Ludwig is allowed more time in this realm.

That doesn't mean Arthur won't shout and curse and swear to the Old Gods, to his dearest Mistress and Lady that it _isn't fair, that he wants more, always more._ His voice is like thunder, and his spirit is the tempest of depression and rage. These days, it is all that truly keeps him alive. That and Ludwig.

When Arthur awakes from a ruthless night of memories and nightmares his lover is their resting atop him, sleeping. (It is seldom a moment where one who has been Turned actually finds a peaceful slumber, and Arthur treasures the moment, pockets the image in the crevices of his mind that are still calm and collected, the ones he hopes will remain even when he is no more than a slab of flesh with no livelihood). He feels the latest marks on his skin, the burn of teeth and air travelling into the open cuts is a pain most welcome for now. Telling him that he is currently living, and won't go for a while now, always a while for he is not sure how long he has left.

Ludwig dreams sometimes, and when he does they aren't the idealistic situations he wished would be real. It is just Arthur making the Agreement, that he will allow the Teuton to Turn him, so they can live together more comfortably. However Arthur has always been one to put old myth forward as fact, and folk tales of the Elvish do not mingle well with Vampirism (though to be fair Lycanthropy too, is also mentioned in ill light to the Elves). Despite that, Ludwig will sometimes persist, but often gives it up, _Arthur is just too weak to maintain his own fight, and the stress does no good for him, it only makes him tired…so very tired, just as Ludwig has grown tired of all of this…he wishes for an ending which will never happen, though he may pray to Arthur's Gods for it._

Ludwig opens his eyes from sleep, to see Arthur awakes and feel fingers carding through his hair. The other's pale chest is warm, but is growing colder each week, he doesn't want to face the day when it will be colder than his own skin. He doesn't want to learn about mourning...doesn't want to feel that pain.

He realises his head rests on the lithe chest and quickly moves to support himself, but Arthur stops him, holds him down with the little strength he has with a 'No'. Sighing, the vampire reluctantly stays down, looking upwards to see the smile on his lover's face. The curve of it is soft, and his lips are slightly parted with a little bit of teeth showing. It is something so fond and Ludwig loves it…

_It hurts Ludwig too though, to know he is killing this and that it is agonising when he feels the life leaving Arthur every time he drinks. He feels the exhaustion and the nausea. Feels the pulse decrease in pace until it is a gentle, slow thrum. But that's the thing. There is still a thrum, a noise. And that means Arthur still lives and breathes. Means Ludwig has him for a little longer, and Arthur has him._

Over a decade of the routine follows, as it has followed for many before that, though it seems that Arthur grows older and lonelier…There are small changes that Ludwig sees and he alone notices. The green eyes have grown dull, and the small light that once filled them has never returned, even when they spend their time together. There are no longer the fond smiles when Ludwig awakens by his side and on him. Just a desperate grab to hold him, as if Arthur is the one worried that Ludwig will one day be gone and not the other way round. Ludwig knows, that Arthur has been losing his mind, his composure, his everything. He can not do a thing however to change that. No reversal to be made but he sits now with Arthur in his arms, miserably awake and aware and staring around, frightened like a child, and all he can do his sob silently and breathe heavily into Arthur's shoulder, trying not to squeeze any tighter for his love's sake.

"It's going to be okay," the voice is weak now (but there is a recognisable charisma and the words are the same he used when Ludwig first ran to Arthur, the primal Hunger running through him rampant and sank his teeth right into him, not caring about the pain and only on sating his need), "everything, is going to be fine…" Arthur's word choke him…But…for his sake, he will not think himself a monster as he gently brushes some stray locks from the pale of Arthur's neck and feeds for what may be the last time.


End file.
